We were away from the immediate family for nearly ten years
but heard via weekly letters the Rites of Passage of our younger siblings –
move away to college, get married like their older brother, get a job, lose a
job, get a divorce, get married AGAIN, but in each case there was AN INCIDENT
to defined “cutting the apron strings” for them. Making a decision against your parents wishes
and LIVING with the consequences. Some
of these decisions created animosity and some drove wedges that lasted longer
than the decision itself. Because both
of our families were believers and attempted to live Christ – honoring lives
they all ended happily eventually.
These decisions seem silly sometimes – buying a set of encyclopedias, taking a TRIP
to the World’s Fair in Seattle, leaving High School in the big city to finish
High School in the place where you REALLY WANT TO LIVE!! Leaving College rather than FOCUSING all your
energy on getting that piece of paper!!
Jobs are important too!
Creating a family of your own can even be a Rite of Passage,
especially if you married someone who had been living at her parent’s HOME for
a lot of years as a young adult!!
Perhaps Rites of Passage are about CONTROL, and while often times that controlling
personality can become a danger, most times it is just a matter of setting
priorities that work for YOUR family and limits that may seem strange to
others. In our family, which we have
been building, and enjoying for the most part, for nearly 58 years, one of the early decisions was “togetherness”
– we just don’t do many social things separately. Those infamous “buy something so I get a
bonus” parties, poker nights, stopping
at the local bar on the way home from work, etc.
When we left San Jose forty years ago, I was surprised how
many of Tom’s workmates thought I was a “sickly wife”, as I was the EXCUSE Tom
used for NOT stopping for a beer on the way home, or going to a cocktail party
on the weekend. We were a family and
proud of it! With three growing children
we had PLENTY of social opportunities as a FAMILY.
I remember one night when we lived in CO near both of our
families, we were to have supper at Tom’s parents and all was ready, but no
DAD. Tom’s Mom called the hospitals, the
police, it just was NOT like his Dad to NOT come home!! She was so worried! When he finally straggled in, and dinner was
cold and dried up, he had stopped for a “good bye” drink as a workmate was
moving away for a new job. No cells in
those days, but a payphone would have worked!!
Bet that didn’t happen again!!
So live, love, laugh and learn to let others do the same.
-
Advice from an OLD LADY
